Okay, this is a slightly clickbaity title. Sorry, not sorry.

I have always been a lover of mommy blogs. And especially those who document the hysterical, sometimes embarrassing, anecdotes that their kids come up with on the daily. A few of my favourites are Maz, Simone, Chereen, Cindy, Sharon.. the list could go on! And I look very forward to the day that I too can tell you about what said my child did that had me wishing the Spar floor would open up and swallow me whole.

But for now, my approximately avocado sized bub causes me nothing more embarrassing than nosebleeds that would make a waterfall envious, and a bladder that puts Chris’s to shame. If you know me/us in real life, you would know he has a bladder the size of a pea. SERIOUSLY. We wake-up (yes, WE) about 5 times a night thanks to his bladder. Baby training is going to be a breeze! Except that he does not cry and scream and demand to fed when he wakes up. Or at least not to date… 

With impending motherhood looming, I have taken to screenshotting lots of “positive” quotes and the like on Instagram and Facebook. Some are enthralling, peppy, really “you can do it, mama!” posts. And a bit of it is sort of passive-aggressive. Heck, no judgement here. You, my good lady, have (probably, as there are other ways to gain one) birthed a child and are more than likely rearing that child with very little assistance. Be as passive-aggressive as you please!

The ones that kind of, sort of, if I was FORCED to point them out, niggle at me are the ones who hint that no one, NO-ONE, on this planet knows much about muchness unless they have had a child. Your body is sore? Shame, but have you had a child? You’re tired? But were you up all night feeding a newborn, mom? Oh, shaaaaame, your toddler is teething? BUT WERE YOU/HAVE YOU EVER/XYZ.

Somehow, your grievance just does not amount to much unless a new little baby was involved. Doesn’t matter that you were up with a 7-year-old projectile vomiting. At least you were not up with a new-born!

I even once – no word of exaggeration – had a boss tell me that I was no longer allowed to comment that I am tired at work. And why? Because I had not yet experienced raising a baby. I swear to you. She actually said, “you cannot say you’re tired if you haven’t had babies”. Tell that to someone who just finished a tri-athlon…

This makes me wonder if those few short years of breastfeeding, sleepless nights, colic babies, and the likes, are THAT scarring. That nothing will ever amount to being as horrendous again. Is it? Is it THAT bad? What exactly have I gotten myself into? Surely it cannot be ALL bad if lots of you go on to have another!

So while I hope to never be “that mom” in many categories. But over and above, I hope to never be the mom who openly judges other people, just because they did not give birth to and raise a child.

PS: PLEASE NOTE this is more tongue-in-cheek than anything else. You may be reading this laughing your head off at the unknown that is looming in my future. Let me be naive. It’ll make the reality that little bit harsher on me 😉

Rayne XX